Dear American Airlines...I do not like you. Yes you are bringing me home and yes you have a low cost direct flight that I took rather than sitting in an airport for an extra 5 hours but honestly, you are not amazing. When I walk onto the plane, I do not want to hear your stewardess (or whatever the politically correct term is) say to the captain "oh bay-bee," in her sweetest Cuban voice, “you are not going to believe this. We have no water!" she shrieks. I look down and clutch my five dollar water bottle making a note to myself “drink sparingly!” The Captain replies "honey I will get you whatever you want”; and she giggles. “OH gag me” I think to myself. Then I worry about her comment - “what the hell does no water mean?" Regardless, keep walking….BUT of course this was heard by the little old lady in front of me and now she is freaking out – “What does she mean” she asks her husband…”Biilllllll” she wines, “what does she mean no water??” Awesome... oh just keep walking lady. Well guess who's sitting next to me? The little old lady; she now asks me about what the flight attendant said about the water, or lack thereof and I try my best to assure her that they will have bottled water for her…head phones, WHERE are my headphones??? The woman luckily is in the aisle- I'm at the window. Cool I think this won't be too bad. As I am getting settled and am lifting my noise cancelling earphones to my head (which I can't say really cancel out the noise of the now screaming baby 5 rows back) our middle guest arrives. Perfect! A tiny little Asian woman! My hips will have nooooo issues in this already tiny seat...I might even get to steal some of her leg room hehe. We chat (or she attempts to as I nod my head) and while I am generally very adept to accents hers was a doosey, soooo I smile and say “Yes, umm 6 hours” ...which I think is the answer to her question of how long the flight is- or maybe she asked where I am from. I'm still not sure. Right now she is totally hogging the arm rest and has her legs spread all over my personal leg room. She’s 4'11!!!...how many more hours??? Thank you mom for instilling some sort of patience in me.
Before I get my head phones on, I hand (wanting to throw) my American Airlines ear buds they give us "free" for the $350 flight to the woman behind me who is nagging her husband to get her pair from the jammed packed luggage space as the flight attendant reminds us to take our seats over the loud speaker “or we will never take off” she warns. I finally get my music on and I fall asleep for what seems like an hour as listen to the soft sounds of Dave Matthews Live and suddenly, I am woken up by yep you guessed it, my own cough…some call it a snore maybe - how embarrassing! I look around "oh man did anyone hear that" I think as my one open eye wanders the plane and I realize I am being stared at by the flight attendant, the woman who is taking my leg room and the concerned senior citizen who in my dream I could hear asking again about the water situation. The flight attendant reluctantly asks if I want something to drink, I nod my head no and lift up my 3/4 full water bottle and shake it "no thanks" I reply. "WHAT?" the stewardess yells. "NO. THANKS." I reply shaking my water bottle now faster and higher "I'm OOOKKKK" I slowly mouth. She smirked and walked on.
Now I have to go to the bathroom. When this happens, which it does every flight, I regret the window. I tap the woman who is taking my leg room and who can't speak very good English and say politely "I'm sorry I need to use the restroom"...nothing. The woman on the end is sleeping so the leg room stealer looks as me, shrugs her shoulders with the "I’m not too sure what you want me to do here" look. "Oh gawd" I think... Now I really have to go so I reach over her tap the senior citizen and say "sorry ma'am I need to use the bathroom.” She looks at me at says "but there's no water" oh my good lord I think, but I say "well I guess I’ll just have to figure something out when I get there" in my sweetest get the hell out of my way old lady or I'll crawl over you voice, still, not too sure now how this is all going to pan out. Well I get there...but a side note - why do the flight attendants feel they need to walk down the aisle when there are 5 people standing in it already??? It leaves you to make the decision - boobs or butt- which one do I want to put in his man’s face as he graciously lets me invade his space as she squeezes by me. I chose boobs by the way - not too much of a thrill, but ultimately it came down to a quick decision and the inability to maneuver in a foot wide isle now being shared by 2 full sized people. Lucky guy I think and he smiles and says "no problem" and winks...he winked! Ewe I need shower now!
So I get to the bathroom and I will spare you the unnecessary details-but I do pull up my pant legs because of course in the 2' by 1' bathroom that houses less than a toilet- someone, or everyone, has missed the bowl. Gross. Flushing seemed no issue of course the lid was down so I didn't see the water or lack there of...flushing with the lid up scares me on planes- I could be sucked in after all and while that may make a better story for my readers...I don't need that excitement in my life. Washing hands is next- I try the water – should have known “no water” I say out loud – and then I see the wipes. Ewe. I take one thinking of every dirty hand reaching into that bag and I pull one out, tear it open and begin to wipe my hands and it's DRY!!! I try 2 more and they are dry also...what to do, what to do...I am contracting every disease in my head and self diagnosing myself as I walk back to my seat and remember my water! I sit, pull out a tissue, get sprayed a little in the face when I open the top due to the altitude suction and pour it on my tissue and a little accidentally in my lap (awesome) and "wash" my hands. Feeling better and dare I say cleaner, I am calm now and staring to relax – HOW MUCH LONGER?? “I can make it I can make it” I say to myself and I fall back asleep until I hear the captain say over the loud speaker that we are about to land.
Dear American Airlines- I won't fly you again unless it is absolutely necessary like today's flight, but I appreciate the experiences and the story to share - you were my first horrid red eye ever a few years back to Philly and today you could very well be the cause of some disease caused by not property washing my hands but, you are bringing me home and that's all that matters; at least today. But, p.s. - right now you smell like vomit.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
″A traveler without observation is a bird without wings.” – Moslih Eddin Saadi
November part 2
November
As I mentioned above, I am pretty lucky; my job affords me the opportunity to meet friends and family on the road– take for example the week of Thanksgiving. I had a few meetings in Chicago and luckily my friend Ben was able to meet up with me in the city after my work day ended. After getting lost (Chicago apparently has an underground city that is really hard to find your way out of) we ate, laughed and drank downtown – making the evenings challenge to have at least 1 beer in each tavern/bar on Rush Street (sorry mom). That’s a lot of beers but we had a blast and I was able to see what downtown Chicago is all about, now only to visit for a Giants/Cubs game – anyone up for it?
^some of these places had CRAZY holiday cheer going on!
Following my stay in Chicago I visited my sister, bro-in-law and my Katie-bug and got to visit with Aunt Carrie and Uncle Jack. Man-o-man is that little girl cute. The flight to Wyoming was very unique. Two layovers (where I had to run to every gate very thankful that I was wearing my loose fitting Gap jeans and that I checked in luggage)…and one VERY small plane later, I arrive in Rock Springs about 15 minutes from Amy and Rick's house. The first leg into Minneapolis was good, the second flight into Salt Lake was ok, I sat next to a paranoid twenty-something and tried my best to make him confident that no one stole his carry on and that no, it was not left at the airport, they generally take good care of that kind of stuff I explained in my most confident ‘I travel all the time and haven’t had too many bad experiences with luggage’ voice – except for that time whe….oh never mind. Once I found my last connecting gate in Salt Lake, I was called to board, handed the agent my torn-in-half boarding pass (woops!) and walked down this long hallway and see the plane:
AHH! I shriek to my mom on the phone – it has a propeller! (mom starts laughing nervously for me) Good LORD it’s a good thing I love these people I think as I step onto the plane and greet the flight attendant hunched over, I hit my head and exclaim as I start to sweat and shake a little ‘this is the smallest plane I have ever been on!!!’ I sit next to this little old lady and open my bag of almonds eating one after another, I am so nervous I can't stop! I think the stewardess senses my fear as I ask as politely as possible 'is there a beverage service on this plane?!' She touches my arm and sits down on the seat next to me and tells me that she is a widow with 3 kids and she would not fly on this little plane if it were dangerous (honey I am 27 and single, neither would I if the people I was meeting weren't worth it, I think to myself); ‘besides’ she says, ‘the jets you normally fly on, if something were to go wrong you would drop like a rock (awesome), WE glide to the ground, ok?!’ She says. Right. Then she gets up and does the emergency routine and makes sure to go over the water landing instructions – ‘in the case of a water landing, which is quite unlikely (umm you think) your seat cushion can also be used as a floatation device.’ Well GOOD I think to myself, in the case of an emergency, since the plane will float to the ground, I will surely have time to grab my seat cushion, just in case we float into a puddle in the middle of the desert-like barren land that splits Rock Springs and Salt Lake City.
SO the stressful flight is over and as we land, surprisingly smoothly, I wait, and wait, and wait for my luggage. HOW long can it take to take luggage off a plane that had no more than 10 people on it? For the Wyoming airport, 35 minutes. After eating my spam and cheese sandwich (yes my sister loves me) and being reassured by Paul Blart the airport cop, that my luggage might/should get here and that the airport was very secure, it came. Good thing, I would have had to go Californian on them – wouldn’t have been pretty.
The trip with my sis was awesome! I am still awaiting pictures from her camera, including pictures from Halloween (AHEM). I will have to update the blog when they come. I got to put Katie to bed every night (well just about) and play the Wii (awesome). We set up the Christmas air-blow-up things on their lawn that I was told would likely be there in the spring time when I next visit because of the cold, and the lights on the porch that....well we won’t talk about those will we sister? After eating a LOT thanks to my preggo sister - I went home before the cold cold weather hit and have been missing them ever since. Here are some picts:
^after dinner at Aunt Carries and Uncle Jacks
^the feast....good thing Aunt Carrie and I went for a run before...bad cell phone pict quality
^I am the luckiest Auntie I get a massage from my neice as she watches kids NickTV
Today, I am writing on the plane, off to Florida for a 24 hour trip. I will tell you there are a few things I have learned from the past few months:
1. Paranoia will not get you far but it will get you places with your eyes wide open while you make sure no one is going to mess with you.
2. Heels make people listen to you, after all being 6’3 in them commands attention.
3. Don't miss an opportunity to look out the window - you could see this:
^Oh if this were Heaven, let me be a Care Bear so I could jump from cloud to cloud
And for this trip in particular: Always have one of your best friends drop you off because chances are, she might have made you chocolate chip cookies the night before!! Thanks bestie (I shared with the big guy next to me who oddly looks like my landlord Hank and works for the 49ers; he agreed they were AMAZING). <3
November
As I mentioned above, I am pretty lucky; my job affords me the opportunity to meet friends and family on the road– take for example the week of Thanksgiving. I had a few meetings in Chicago and luckily my friend Ben was able to meet up with me in the city after my work day ended. After getting lost (Chicago apparently has an underground city that is really hard to find your way out of) we ate, laughed and drank downtown – making the evenings challenge to have at least 1 beer in each tavern/bar on Rush Street (sorry mom). That’s a lot of beers but we had a blast and I was able to see what downtown Chicago is all about, now only to visit for a Giants/Cubs game – anyone up for it?
^some of these places had CRAZY holiday cheer going on!
Following my stay in Chicago I visited my sister, bro-in-law and my Katie-bug and got to visit with Aunt Carrie and Uncle Jack. Man-o-man is that little girl cute. The flight to Wyoming was very unique. Two layovers (where I had to run to every gate very thankful that I was wearing my loose fitting Gap jeans and that I checked in luggage)…and one VERY small plane later, I arrive in Rock Springs about 15 minutes from Amy and Rick's house. The first leg into Minneapolis was good, the second flight into Salt Lake was ok, I sat next to a paranoid twenty-something and tried my best to make him confident that no one stole his carry on and that no, it was not left at the airport, they generally take good care of that kind of stuff I explained in my most confident ‘I travel all the time and haven’t had too many bad experiences with luggage’ voice – except for that time whe….oh never mind. Once I found my last connecting gate in Salt Lake, I was called to board, handed the agent my torn-in-half boarding pass (woops!) and walked down this long hallway and see the plane:
AHH! I shriek to my mom on the phone – it has a propeller! (mom starts laughing nervously for me) Good LORD it’s a good thing I love these people I think as I step onto the plane and greet the flight attendant hunched over, I hit my head and exclaim as I start to sweat and shake a little ‘this is the smallest plane I have ever been on!!!’ I sit next to this little old lady and open my bag of almonds eating one after another, I am so nervous I can't stop! I think the stewardess senses my fear as I ask as politely as possible 'is there a beverage service on this plane?!' She touches my arm and sits down on the seat next to me and tells me that she is a widow with 3 kids and she would not fly on this little plane if it were dangerous (honey I am 27 and single, neither would I if the people I was meeting weren't worth it, I think to myself); ‘besides’ she says, ‘the jets you normally fly on, if something were to go wrong you would drop like a rock (awesome), WE glide to the ground, ok?!’ She says. Right. Then she gets up and does the emergency routine and makes sure to go over the water landing instructions – ‘in the case of a water landing, which is quite unlikely (umm you think) your seat cushion can also be used as a floatation device.’ Well GOOD I think to myself, in the case of an emergency, since the plane will float to the ground, I will surely have time to grab my seat cushion, just in case we float into a puddle in the middle of the desert-like barren land that splits Rock Springs and Salt Lake City.
SO the stressful flight is over and as we land, surprisingly smoothly, I wait, and wait, and wait for my luggage. HOW long can it take to take luggage off a plane that had no more than 10 people on it? For the Wyoming airport, 35 minutes. After eating my spam and cheese sandwich (yes my sister loves me) and being reassured by Paul Blart the airport cop, that my luggage might/should get here and that the airport was very secure, it came. Good thing, I would have had to go Californian on them – wouldn’t have been pretty.
The trip with my sis was awesome! I am still awaiting pictures from her camera, including pictures from Halloween (AHEM). I will have to update the blog when they come. I got to put Katie to bed every night (well just about) and play the Wii (awesome). We set up the Christmas air-blow-up things on their lawn that I was told would likely be there in the spring time when I next visit because of the cold, and the lights on the porch that....well we won’t talk about those will we sister? After eating a LOT thanks to my preggo sister - I went home before the cold cold weather hit and have been missing them ever since. Here are some picts:
^after dinner at Aunt Carries and Uncle Jacks
^the feast....good thing Aunt Carrie and I went for a run before...bad cell phone pict quality
^I am the luckiest Auntie I get a massage from my neice as she watches kids NickTV
Today, I am writing on the plane, off to Florida for a 24 hour trip. I will tell you there are a few things I have learned from the past few months:
1. Paranoia will not get you far but it will get you places with your eyes wide open while you make sure no one is going to mess with you.
2. Heels make people listen to you, after all being 6’3 in them commands attention.
3. Don't miss an opportunity to look out the window - you could see this:
^Oh if this were Heaven, let me be a Care Bear so I could jump from cloud to cloud
And for this trip in particular: Always have one of your best friends drop you off because chances are, she might have made you chocolate chip cookies the night before!! Thanks bestie (I shared with the big guy next to me who oddly looks like my landlord Hank and works for the 49ers; he agreed they were AMAZING). <3
"Oh the places you'll go!"
November, part 1
Well, I made my way from North Carolina to South Carolina and am spending the morning today after flying north presenting to 15 sales people in a rundown building, three flights up, on the corner of 2nd and 3rd Street in Brooklyn, NY – currently making blog notes in my very own Lincoln Town Car; I could get used to this.
Now let me tell you, New York is a very different kind of animal; if you have been here, I am sure you could use a similar analogy. I was intimidated walking off the airplane, listening to the older woman yell at her son telling him where to pick her up in that New York accent we all have heard before– I am sure that he would have gotten the directions if she said it well, quietly, but that is how people are out here; or so it seems. The hotel shuttle driver with slicked back hair greeted me with a nod and an ‘eh’ as I reluctantly allowed him to grab my bags to load into the van that had the radio tuned to the Russian news…I was sure he was kidnapping me in the Holiday Inn shuttle – thanks mom for instilling generally unnecessary paranoia in me :)
This morning as my car drives me from Queens into Brooklyn, I am overlooking the NYC Skyline from some bridge (sorry I can’t be more clear). Then all of a sudden, I am in a brick jungle and closer to the ‘show’. I nosily ask my driver if he likes his job and what it’s like to drive in NY. He says he has a bachelor’s degree and driving isn’t necessarily what he wanted to do with his life but ‘hey’ he explains, ‘where else can a driver make 6 figures?’ In my next, more confident life, I will return as a limo driver – in New York.
^ the above is for my Gram, this was the highest escalator I have EVER been on! higher than Atlanta Airport!
Well, I made my way from North Carolina to South Carolina and am spending the morning today after flying north presenting to 15 sales people in a rundown building, three flights up, on the corner of 2nd and 3rd Street in Brooklyn, NY – currently making blog notes in my very own Lincoln Town Car; I could get used to this.
Now let me tell you, New York is a very different kind of animal; if you have been here, I am sure you could use a similar analogy. I was intimidated walking off the airplane, listening to the older woman yell at her son telling him where to pick her up in that New York accent we all have heard before– I am sure that he would have gotten the directions if she said it well, quietly, but that is how people are out here; or so it seems. The hotel shuttle driver with slicked back hair greeted me with a nod and an ‘eh’ as I reluctantly allowed him to grab my bags to load into the van that had the radio tuned to the Russian news…I was sure he was kidnapping me in the Holiday Inn shuttle – thanks mom for instilling generally unnecessary paranoia in me :)
This morning as my car drives me from Queens into Brooklyn, I am overlooking the NYC Skyline from some bridge (sorry I can’t be more clear). Then all of a sudden, I am in a brick jungle and closer to the ‘show’. I nosily ask my driver if he likes his job and what it’s like to drive in NY. He says he has a bachelor’s degree and driving isn’t necessarily what he wanted to do with his life but ‘hey’ he explains, ‘where else can a driver make 6 figures?’ In my next, more confident life, I will return as a limo driver – in New York.
^ the above is for my Gram, this was the highest escalator I have EVER been on! higher than Atlanta Airport!
My meeting went great by the way. I was clear and concise, worked my way around interruptions as I presented to a large group of men who, on average all came up to my bust line – thank you heels. The meeting ended with a questions answer period - more 'yelling', although to these people, these New Yorkers, it is conversation – I like it, it makes me laugh ….. I think to myself, maybe this is what my dad says about his yelling, he is just trying to get his point across – he would fit in well here I think as I leave the meeting being told by the customer that I will need to be in Florida in a week to present to the rest of their employees…Florida in December?? I can do that I think.
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